Big cooks for huge appetites

By The Steak Whisperer

It’s fairly common knowledge that this past NBL1 (National Basketball League 1) season, the FoB Squad took on the challenge of providing courtside meals for sponsors of the Warwick Senators. What the male and female players around that league found out was that with the FoB Squad onboard, the postgame player meals at Warwick Stadium had therefore taken a massive step forward.

Game after game, week after week, home and visiting teams, men and women, were being treated to protein rich, carb light-ish main meals featuring:

• The Burger Baron’s Smashburgers featuring his otherworldly Baron’s Burger sauce
• FoB steak rolls with the Burger Baron’s chimichurri
• The Steak Whisperer’s “Silly” Cheesesteaks (essentially a very unique angus pure picanha steak roll)
• FoB Steak Nachos and Tacos

By the way, shout out to our good friends at Torre & Mordini Gourmet Meats and new pals at Trigg Pizza (just sayin’, great pizza).

Courtside sponsors love it because the burgers for instance, were created under the excruciatingly exacting measures and processes, penned by The Burger Baron. Little wonder then that heartwarming feedback such as, “Absolutely the best burger I’ve ever had” and “I’m literally thinking about what FoB are cooking days ahead of the game…” has become the norm around the stadium foyer, training facility and warm-up courts. It feels great. But there is a challenge for the FoB Squad to overcome every week as well.

Large humans, enormous appetites and tight windows

It’s not unusual for the FoB Squad to plate up 200 serves of main menu items per game. And because the games are run on a tight schedule, the cook and service timelines are even tighter. The women’s match-up ends and within 5-10 minutes we’re serving up to 30 mains. Ten minutes later, we need to produce between 75 and 95 mains for sponsors; then mains for 25 volunteers, then 13 officials and by the time the men’s game has drawn to a close, we’re ready to do a live prep and serve for 30-40 very big men, most with massive appetites.

It’s a challenge but we love it. Oh, and because quality assurance is something I take personal responsibility for, that means the FoB Squad probably needs to test 5 serves along the way [Ed. I could come and help… seriously, I’m available!].

Athletes also love a side of anticipation & entertainment with their meal but a big “no” to fries

A number of the meals we dish up to athletes are made to order and tailored for individual preferences:

• A triple patty for an energiser bunny point guard
• No chimi or fries for a wet-behind-the-ears, carb-conscious forward
• All the burgers and steak rolls you can pile onto this tray for the high energy power forward/centre from a faraway land (again, hold the fries, give me more protein!).

In all honesty, I’m horrendous with names, especially in the middle (or at the end) of a hectic service, up to my elbows in steak butter, burger mince and extra-virgin olive oil, but I never forget a player’s special request. Especially, if they’re polite, good humoured and can pull-off a passable President Trump impersonation (extra steak roll for you!)

The thing I’ve learned in terms of customer service/retail theatre is that customers will forgive a short wait if they’re invited into: 

• a brief conversation
• a chance to see their roll, burger feast or steak sliced/assembled/presented before their eyes
• impromptu Q&As on grilling, BBQing and life in general.

As some of the home and visiting point guards and coaches tell us, winning is about controlling the tempo, focus and quality. Agreed. That’s also the key to keeping these talented players from all over the league (and the world) lining up for more postgame platters from the FoB Squad.

Hey, if you have a hungry team of athletes, administrators, salespeople, executives or staff that you want to feed and/or entertain, make an enquiry at feaston@feastonbeasts.com and… Feast on!

How to transform a smash burger into a transformative experience 

by House of Goff 

“My baseline expectation of a burger is that it becomes something far more desirable than the sum of its ingredients, something that elevates our expectations past mere bread with ingredients in close proximity.” House of Goff with a harsh-but-fair analysis of an area in which civilisation is letting itself down… badly! 

Like anything, a smash burger can be a triumph or a train wreck. I can’t remember having too many burgers that fell between these two polar extremes. As with most of the FoB meat dishes we help people create, there are some basic rules I’d recommend you stick to in order to avoid the train wreck and instead, enjoy cooking and adore eating a smash burger that will take your breath away. 

I like to keep things fairly simple and straightforward when sharing burger tips and because we’re all fiercely competitive but extremely respectful of each other’s skills, I’ll subtly suggest that 6 tips should be enough to keep you on the straight and delicious. (Ed. Obviously a veiled dig at Train’s 10 tips on porterhouse prep guide.) 

1. Buy the fattiest mince you can find. Remember, fat equals flavour. That said, maybe curb your burger enthusiasm and consumption once you’ve had two (not a doctor but still…) 

2. When forming the patties into spheres, try to touch the meat as little as possible. You’re creating a masterpiece here and too much poking and prodding will rob the patty of flavour and character. 

3. Mix NOTHING into the mince, add seasoning (coarse salt alone is sufficient) ONLY AFTER smashing. If you feel you can’t resist adding things to the mince, then you should call a halt to proceedings, reset and fix your sights on making meatballs instead. This step demands unwavering discipline, an iron will and a gentle touch. Weird? Yes. Feel a bit awkward now? I get it. But focus on burger nirvana – it will be worth it! 

4. Cook only on the hottest parts of your grill to achieve a delicious brown crust, flip and apply cheese once the edges have turned light brown. 

5. Once said brown crust has formed on the second side, remove, stack multiple patties together, and serve on a potato bun with pickles. To paraphrase a great, great man, “I worry that you heard, serve on a bun. I said, serve on a potato bun… with pickles. Gorgeous." 

6. Smirk knowingly. Soon you’ll be basking in the glow of your fellow feasters’ adulation and you will thoroughly deserve it. Feast on!

House of Goff is also known for his mastery in the chicken wing department as well as a reckless but enduring love for fiendishly fiery hot sauces and will no doubt be rating his faves in coming editions.